Ice Ice Baby

I feel the same way about our trip to Harbin last weekend as I do about my experience with Lasik eye surgery. I am so grateful that I did it, but if I had known beforehand what I was getting myself into (Harbin: mind-numbing, heart-stopping cold; Lasik: trapped in a Xanax-induced stupor with scalpels flying at my eye), there’s no way in hell I would’ve gone through with it.

I’m nothing if not overdramatic, I’ll admit it, but when I say that our 36 hours in Harbin were by far the coldest of my entire life, I’m really not exaggerating. Touba, our waiban, grew up in Harbin, and when she heard Josh, Becky, Buffin and I were going for the Ice Festival, these were her only words for me: “If you have snot coming out of your nose, it will freeze.” She wasn’t speaking metaphorically.

While we were there, the high was 0° F and the low was -30° F, excluding the wind-chill factor. All we could do was bundle up as best we could and take frequent breaks (say, every 15 minutes?) inside. Consider this getup:

• Fleece headband
• Two hats
• Large scarf
• Set of long underwear
• Long-sleeved t-shirt
• Fleece jacket
• Down-filled ski jacket
• Jeans
• Two pairs of gloves
• Two pairs of wool socks
• Fleece boot liners
• Fugg boots (the faux Uggs that I snagged at the fake market)

And I was still cold. We only spent one full day in the city (thank God), but we managed to get a lot done with the time we had. We started off the day by strolling along the Daoliqu, a pedestrian-only block of shops and cafes. It was the first time in six months that I was able to walk down the street without being in a state of constant fear for my safety. By the time we made it to the banks of the Songhua River, we had already taken three indoor pit stops.

The Songhua, which was completely frozen solid, had a slew of winter activities to choose from – ice skating, dog sledding, horse-drawn carriage rides, tubing and ice slides. We opted for the carriage ride since it afforded at least a little bit of shelter. After a quick turn about the ice, we headed back to “shore.” I watched Little Women far too many times over the course of my childhood to have any desire to stand on a frozen lake for too long. At this point, our eyelashes had frozen together in little clumps, condensation from our breath had transformed into icy specks on our scarves and hats, and even a chunk of Buffin’s hair looked like mini icicles. Time for a lunch break.

We headed back down the Daoliqu to find Café Russia 1914, a suggested restaurant in our Lonely Planet guidebook. There is a pronounced Russian influence in Harbin (the two share a border), which can best be seen in local architecture and cuisine. Some of the obnoxious souvenir sellers even tried speaking to us in Russian at one point. Full from a lunch of piroshki (cabbage, potato and meat in a bun) and vodka, we headed back out onto the mean streets of Harbin.

Next up was the Church of St. Sophia, one of the best examples of Russian architecture in town. Amid the cookie-cutter, concrete-blockish Chinese buildings, its onion-shaped dome was easy to spot in the distance. After taking a few too many pictures and mentally adding Russia to my list of places to visit next, we made the trek back to the Daoliqu to take a break at a place that had caught our eye earlier in the day – UAS BUCKS COFFEE. What a glorious mangling of the concept of an American coffee shop.

We drank our coffees (which had a wee bit o’ Irish in them) and spent some time trying to warm our bodies in preparation for the big event of the day, The Ice Festival. But nothing could have really prepared me. It was, in a word, amazing. Brilliantly lit ice sculptures and buildings as far as the eye could see – ice slides, ice bridges, ice castles, ice walls. There were even built-to-scale versions of famous Chinese landmarks, like The Forbidden City. Personally, I liked the Sphinx and the Terracotta Warriors. It felt like we were in a psychedelic winter wonderland from some other dimension.

Our 15-minute tolerance for the cold had dwindled down to 5-10 minutes, tops, as the mercury fell. We took our breaks in the heated tents that “conveniently” dotted the festival. You had to spend at least 20 kuai/person on food or drink to enjoy the comforts of the tropical oasis, but it was well worth it. Best RMB I ever spent. Somehow, we managed to survive for a good two hours at the festival, but by the time we left I felt like a Hallie-sicle.

I’m not sure I could tell someone in good conscience that this was something they had to check off their bucket list. I would almost feel as though I were condemning someone to an icy jail sentence. Ok, ok. Now I may be getting a little overdramatic. Just a little. But, as I said before, I’m just lucky that I had no idea how miserably cold it would be, because I would have missed out on an amazing trip. If ignorance is bliss, then my bliss came in the form of a once-in-a-lifetime experience at the Harbin Ice Festival. Frozen eyelashes and all.